Expect the Unexpected… and Then See What Unfolds

As I planned my journey to VT for my event a week or so ago, I had been booked into a B&B in downtown Burlington. It was a small, yet cute and clean apartment. No view, but in walking distance to the shops, a long-ish walking distance to the Waterfront area, and about 20 minutes to the venue. It was only for one night, and it was a good, solid choice.

The company that owned this place also owned several other rentals that were lakefront properties, large suites and houses with expansive views of Lake Champlain. I really wanted to stay in one of those, but they weren’t available to rent for only one night, and they were much more expensive, and so it was agreed upon to stay in the one bedroom in town.

The day before I left, I received a call from the owners. She had someone who wanted the little apartment for three nights and so wanted to know if I would be ok with being moved to one of the lakefront homes…

… “Ummmm… YES!”

An unexpected unfolding, indeed! And the view you see in the picture was of the lake from my deck.

Of course, there were other unexpected unfoldings that weekend as well.

Some mishaps on the drive, some miscommunications and misunderstandings, some extra money spent on unnecessary duplicate supplies and items, all of which really wasn’t planned on.

But those led to some unexpected unfoldings as well!

And so, my Burlington/Colchester event unfolded as it was meant to… hiccups, forgotten items, parking garage mixups, food mishaps, and all!

I could have so easily gotten frustrated by all the unexpected setbacks and overjoyed by the good fortunes, and so become emotionally up and down, up and down all weekend.

But instead, I surrendered to it all… and it was perfect.

_______

This week, I will post a version of my monthly newsletter of events and updates (different from the blog posts). If you’d like to receive the newsletter, along with the live links, please go to mindingthestory.com and scroll down to the bottom of the page and enter your email address.

And So, One Door Begins to Close…

I’ve shared before about trusting the unfolding of things, and the ensuing liminal space we are sometimes thrust into. My family and friends often laugh and roll their eyes when they hear that I am moving again, as I have moved over 55 times in my lifetime. Sometimes within the same town and sometimes to another US state or country.

I landed a year ago in this magical place, with the hopes that I would be here a while and have the space to work with clients and write. But now it looks like the door is closing here. It’s not closed yet, but I can feel its swing and creak.

Not sure where I’ll land next, but hopefully, it’ll be somewhere equally magical! Embracing the unfolding, while being fully present with the emotions that arise, is an ongoing practice! Because all of life is actually lived in liminal space. We only believe we know what we’re in control of and what we really need.

It is time for more Unstorying™  of my Self!

And with that, comes all the normal emotional experiences, AND… such immense gratitude for the way that life unfolds.

I’m still seeing clients during this time of liminality for me as well! Please reach out if you want help with the stories that are keeping you stuck, or in fear in the liminal spaces in your own life.

Minding the Story June Newsletter

NEWS AND UPDATES

I still have space open for both Unstorying™ Session Cycles and Personal Coaching clients virtually throughout the month of June, but I will only have limited spaces for the month of July. Please use the button to the right to schedule a free Discovery Call to find out more.

I’m excited to announce that I have joined The Wellness Collective, based in Colchester, VT! This wonderful community of wellness and health practitioners is expanding to include The Collective Community, for those of us who see clients mostly virtually. If you find yourself in the Burlington, VT area and want to visit their center for appointments or a workshop, please click the logo to the right for more info on their practitioners and offerings. I will be heading to Burlington towards the end of June to offer an Introduction to Shadow Work workshop in person. 

Click on image above or HERE to register.

Coming soon… yes, the book on Unstorying™ is still in the works! There have been some delays on my end, but I’m hoping to get that finished and out soon.

Returning Clients… After you’ve completed an Unstorying™ Session Cycle, you are ready to apply the practices to all aspects of your life. But often, we then come up against a new story and have trouble seeing through it, simply need a check-in, or want an accountability partner. If so, follow-up sessions are available. Please email me directly to schedule a discounted follow-up session.

Please Click Here to Read Client Testimonials

For Customized Professional Development Workshops at your organization, please click here.

Bring Unstorying™ Shadow Work to your group or local wellness center! Please reach out and email me directly if you’d like to host an Unstorying™ workshop or retreat in your area.

Are you a Wounded Leader?

It’s not one of Jung’s traditional archetypes..

There is, of course, the Wounded Healer, who strives to serve others in their healing all the while facing their own old wounds, or one that has been wounded in the process of helping others.

But what about the Wounded Leader, the one who’s in charge of others’ performance and success?

What happens when they are working from a place of wounding?

From either current struggles or old, pained patterns that are impeding their ability to truly lead others?

You can often spot them when there is an environment of high turnover rate, lowered morale, and/or lots of workplace drama.

How many of you have worked for these Wounded Leaders?

I know I have. I can think of three such past experiences at the top of my head.

How many of you ARE these Wounded Leaders?

It may be hard to admit to ourselves, and our pride or ego often gets in the way, but Wounded Leaders often point the finger at others because they are too afraid to look within for the solutions. They distance themselves from their team as a form of misguided self-protection. These types of Wounded Leaders tend to become angry or apathetic towards those who work with and for them.

Or… they do look at themselves, too harshly, and readily take on blame that may not even be theirs to take. These types of Wounded Leaders become weary and broken far too often, showing their gaping wounds to the team and to the greater world.

Both types need to face their old stories first in order to be effective leaders.

If you are, or think you may be, a Wounded Leader, there is an answer!

Reach out to schedule a Discovery Call to see how I can help you and your team to not just succeed, but to thrive!

(Pic above is from the wonderful film, The Fisher King, which offers a powerful take on the Arthurian story of the Wounded Healer/King in modern times.)

Minding the Story May Newsletter!

It’s Time for a Story…

Once upon a time… Ok, maybe not that kind of story.

About 30 years ago, I was working in the entertainment industry, working for publicists and dealing with enormous egos and unhealthy coping mechanisms. Following what I had thought to be my dreams, but instead was a nightmare of verbal abuse, being taken advantage of, all of which oddly supported the internal stories I had about myself. So I remained, moving job to job, hoping to someday thrive. “If only I could be accepted by these people,” “If only I could move up and make a name for myself,” “If only…” But I was miserable. I had no idea who I was or what would make me happy, or why I kept pursuing things (and people) that weren’t good for me. I didn’t yet know what I know now.

About 20 years ago, I changed direction. I went back to school and became a classroom teacher. This brought more fulfillment. I could see how I was making a difference in the world, and I loved working with the kids, helping them to grow and gain confidence in their skills and in themselves.

What I didn’t love was the internal nonsense in schools, the stress that teachers are under, coming from multiple directions at once: parents, administration, other teachers, politicians, the news, etc. It’s a lot… As I taught in multiple US states, and abroad in England, I found some of the same issues occurred no matter where I was.

I was often teaching ancient civilizations and literature, and this led to some understandings about humans throughout time and culture and their stories. And this led to my PhD program which focused on mythological narratives, literature, philosophy, religion, and depth psychology, a Jungian focus on archetypal and inner understandings of the human experience. I knew then that all of my previous experiences and career choices had led to this very exploration.

Once done with those courses, I found myself adrift once again and wandered into a nondual mindful community, in which silence was the ultimate teacher. I grew up in New York, and silence had not necessarily been my closest friend over the years, so I found this really challenging. But… it had an unexpected impact on me.

It gave me life-changing clarity.

It gave me an opportunity to put the experiences of my stories into context, and to see how they shaped who I thought I was, thought I should be, and who I thought everyone else was.

And yeesh, had I been wrong about so much!

This led me to the work I do now…
-To Unstorying.
-To shadow work.
-To helping others see and understand those stories.
-To shining lights into the darkness that descends when our stories get too thick.

Life looks so different now.

And yes, my stories still operate under the surface.
And yes, they still pop up to say hi and bring emotion and reactivity and try to derail me because they think they are protecting me from old stuff.

But I would never go back to before.

It has all led to this. And I am so very grateful for it all. And I am doubly grateful to be witness to the transformative effect of this work on clients.

Please reach out if you are ready to begin!

mindingthestory.com
Click here to schedule a Discovery Call to find out more!

February/March Newsletter

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The Shadow’s Mirror

Shadow Work is one of the most important inner work processes you can do for yourself and for others… There is so much darkness and hidden from our view… why wouldn’t you want to shine a light into those places?

I most often work with individuals to unearth and face the stories “below the surface” of their awareness. The ones that cause emotional reactivity, suffering, and cast a narrative veil over their personal and professional lives.

But the second part of this work is to help individuals see the stories of others. Not only the surface narratives at play, but the stories underneath the behavior and reactivity of the “other.” Because the same dynamics that make us human, make them human too.

We are not responsible for how others treat us or react to us. Though, with empathy and compassion, we can see that others also have fears, protective mechanisms, and misunderstandings like we do, and we can choose to not intentionally cause them harm.

Instead of seeing them as the enemy, we can strive to see them as simply other humans who haven’t yet seen their own old hidden stories that are blocking their view of us, the “other,” and creates the altered reality in their world; creates new narratives that prompt their need to dominate, disappear from us, or cause harm, intentionally or unintentionally. Their deeply held fear causes them to react.

We want them to understand us, don’t we? To care about how we are affected by their actions and words? To see how those events and interactions hit on our underlying fear of survival and cause us to either run away, lash out, or otherwise defend ourselves?

Well… they want that from us too.

Can we offer them the empathy, compassion, and benefit of the doubt and see beneath the surface of their angry actions and words to witness the vulnerability that lies hidden there?

Often, our answer is “no,” because we feel that it would then leave us more vulnerable to them. We are then left upset, offended, afraid, and in protective mode. I struggle with this too, sometimes. But understanding their underlying fear stories, does not condone or validate THEIR harmful actions.

Understanding our underlying fear stories does not condone or validate OUR harmful actions.

If everyone continues operating from a fear of vulnerability, a desperate fear that if they don’t control or become the aggressor, they will cease to exist, then we will all cease to exist.

We will all cease to exist.

If even one person reading this is willing to flip the script and see themselves and each other beneath the surface of the stories… then we have a chance.

A chance to see through the shadowy haze of the stories of the world.

A chance to see things more authentically, more clearly, more empathetically, with compassion for the humanness of all.

A chance at transcendence.

A chance to know yourself.

A chance to know your Self.

All Things and People Can (and Do) Have Shadows…

Even me… Even you…

Because all that’s really needed for shadows to be present are:

1) A light source
2) Something blocking that light
3) Some surface for the shadow to be cast onto (a wall, the ground)

We are used to seeing this phenomenon when we are out on a sunny day. ☀

The sun is the source of light, our bodies are the something blocking that light, and the ground is where we can see that shadow cast.

Your Shadow psyche works in a similar way:

1) The light of your conscious awareness. This is self-awareness and inward attention towards the web of underlying stories and beliefs that create the reality of “you.”

2) The blocks and old traumas. The places where you have experienced the seeds of a story and then promptly forgotten about it. Sweeping the original source under a metaphorical rug so you could feel safer and interact in the world. Or, aspects of yourself that you are afraid of, don’t approve of, or wish away.

3) Your life! You project out that blockage onto your view of your world, causing you to see shadow shapes rather than the clear, bright version of you and others that exists under the blocks.

Just like the men in Plato’s “Allegory of the Cave,” we see the shadows and think that they are real. We can’t (or won’t) see ourselves clearly, so we think that our shadow projections are us. We see the shadows of others… and sometimes, we are unable to discern which shadows are ours or are theirs. So we turn our pain and anger outwards, because it is far easier, and see evil and enemies everywhere. Discounting others’ stories because they don’t align with our own. Shadow stories then appear as absolutes, because that feels more satisfying and understandable.

But they are, at best, shades of gray.

And, in truth, they are simply the effect of the blocks that keep us from seeing our own light, and by believing in the projections, the light of others.

So, now… in 2024… what will you choose? Will you focus only on the world of shadows or look more closely to the source of the light? That may sound a very simplistic question, considering the very messy and painful state of the world today. And, it is perhaps a tricky question, because to become whole, we need to see and integrate all of who we are, being courageous enough to understand how the shadows were created in the first place and then seeing through them to what’s really true.

But this question is an inward one. And only YOU can answer it best for you. Are you willing to look within and face your own shadows, so that you can own them and integrate them, and illuminate one small piece of the shadows of the world?

It’s 2024. It’s time. ⏰

What Does Your Internal Sky Look Like?

Is it:
A) Bright and clear?
B) Dark and moody?
C) Colorful and wondrous?
D) All of the above?

Last night, I found myself craving the ocean.

I used to live right on the coast, but now, after I moved to the river (which is, itself, a beautiful wonder!), I find myself still longing for that open expanse of ocean.

As I drove down the coast, this was the sky that met me there. It spoke to me and reflected my own internal sky.

What do I mean by that?

We contain such spaciousness within us. And this space often reflects the internal weather we are carrying in our consciousness, in our psyche.

Are you feeling stuck and closed in, gray and hazy?

Or, full of colors and fantastical shapes, dancing on the rolling ocean waves, lapping at the shore?

Or somewhere in between?

Take a moment to check in with your internal sky.

Here’s a great exercise for this practice:

1) Close your eyes and ask yourself to see your internal sky.
2) Take note of what you see, and see if it in any way speaks to the story of YOU. No judgement, just notice.
3) Does a story appear when you notice this inner sky?
4) Where did that story come from? Is it true? At the core of who you are, does this sky reflect that authentic YOU?

You are Not Someone Else’s Story of You…

Though you may have unknowingly taken on that fairy tale as who you are.

You are not really even your own story of who you think you are… as we construct our reactions and reality through the echoes of old protection mechanisms hiding the precarious fragile you, you secretly think yourself to be.

But you are not that fragile self. It is only your mind that tells you so, echoing those old stories of others.

You are so much more than that.

You just need to wipe clean your inner glasses!

Huh???

I spent decades holding myself back, not trusting my own self-worth, and dealing with the “supposed” failure of not living up to other people’s expectations of who I should be and how I should live my life.

People who, themselves, had no idea of the haze of stories they were living in, and so projected their haze onto me and others.

And with the seemingly “good” and “bad” experiences, there were so many powerful interactions, so much love expressed, and many important discoveries learned along the way, I wouldn’t have changed one darn thing.

Those experiences taught me so much about myself.

Those experiences led me to now.

Those experiences led me to step into my work… what I have come to realize as a deeper calling.

Those experiences led me to create Unstorying, so I could share a process with others to help them to see through that same haze.

It’s time to see yourself more clearly.

It’s time to Unstory your Self.

To get unstuck… to understand yourself better… to feel more freedom and joy in your life.

To untangle the web of those stories you’ve built around yourself.

To see a different perspective, change your story, or see that the story itself is only a pointer towards something even more spectacular and sublime within yourself.

It’s time. ⏰