I Thought I Knew Who I Was… But I Didn’t Have the First Clue!

Years ago, I was going through the motions… starting a career, hanging out with friends, dating, but never really finding “the one.”

I was living my life, but I wasn’t fully alive…

Something was nagging at me. A sense that there was more to life than this. I found myself embroiled in drama from the minute I woke up in the morning. And, was more stressed, anxious, and unfulfilled than I thought possible.That’s when a series of events began unfolding.

Started Tai Chi classes for exercise and because of the cute instructor, but gained an understanding of energy, how it moved, and how I could become sensitive to it.

I began exploring sacred stories and beliefs of other cultures, because I never really fully identified with a sense of belonging to a particular culture, and gained a deeper understanding of how all cultures create and find meaning and connection within their sacred stories and beliefs.

I started having the sense that there was some deeper truth that was just slightly outside of my grasp. Suddenly, I was experiencing synchronicities and inexplicable awarenesses on a more regular basis.

There was something else… underneath the stories of who I was and how the world worked that was not yet seen.

But, I was still mired in the stories of myself. Ones that told me I was less than and not worthy of others’ love. They informed everything I did, all the decisions I made, without my being aware of them.

I started to search for that deeper meaning I had tasted. I trained in Reiki and other energy work, practiced Kundalini yoga, read books on religion and spirituality… followed every shiny object. Always searching for that deeper truth.

I took classes and workshops, all to continue to search for that mysterious something. The thing that would explain it all.

I began a second career, went on to move around the world, exploring and learning as much as I could about philosophy, psychology, religion, spirituality… the searching was endless. I needed an answer so I collected skills and experiences like my life depended on it.

But it wasn’t until I stopped. That’s when it all came together.

It wasn’t until I was led to a time in my life when time stood still. When sitting in silence was the practice. A practice that forced all of the thoughts in my head, the stories I carried about myself and the world, to the front of the screen.

And what happened? I lost it. I got angry. I got scared. I cried. I lashed out. All because I was asked to sit in silence for a week.

But… slowly… in that space, I began to realize something. Those stories? They’re not really who I am.

My search outward had led me to the one place I didn’t want to look…Within.

Such a simple concept. Look within to know your truth. Know thyself!

But it’s so friggin hard.
Yes, yes it is.
But, it will change everything…

You are not your stories!

And neither am I.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: