So much of our lives are built around the stories we believe about ourselves… and as a result, the stories we believe about others.
But what if it is all self-constructed?
So many times I’ve stood there, indignant, about what someone said, or how I’ve been wronged, and then… in a moment of stepping back and seeing it through different eyes, seeing it from within my stories… having so much more clarity.
This doesn’t validate intentional harm… there is, unfortunately, plenty of that to go around these days.
But it does give a completely different perspective on our lives and our interactions… when all thoughts, beliefs, and actions arise out of these internal stories we carry.
Individuals can shift their reality.
Groups can shift their reality.
The world can shift its reality.
This is not some woo-woo, magical, trippy stuff (not to put a story around woo-woo, magical, trippy stuff!)
But it’s the nature of reality itself.
It look me a really long time to get out of the “other people are the problem” mentality.
And… I’d be lying if I said that it never happens anymore… it does. It SURE does.
But, in understanding, and really seeing, how our stories construct our reality… step by step… layer by layer… we can really see through it, and be free of it.
Not free of living in an interactive world. But free of the made-up reality we’ve foisted upon ourselves and others.
Because underneath that web of constructed stories…
YOU are beautiful. YOU are enough. YOU matter. YOU are perfect.
And so is everyone else.
“We are like the spider,” said the king. “We weave our life, and then move along in it. We are like the dreamer who dreams and then lives in the dream.
And that is the story of how Nicole Miller found her place in the world again… Of course, this altered quote originally refers to Bilbo Baggins from The Hobbit after his journey’s end, but doesn’t it relate to all of us when we’ve gone through a transformational journey of our own?
After three weeks in New York, one week in Los Angeles, four weeks in Australia, two weeks in New Zealand, and now two more weeks back in Los Angeles, I find myself observing the effects of this experience… and I’m not even “home” yet.
Along the way, I saw things I never thought I’d see: black swans in Rotorua, NZ and the beautiful red glow of the sunset on Uluru; pausing suddenly because there’s a camel, randomly, appearing on the road in the Australian Outback; and the unexpected bright blue of the Southern Ocean as it flows around the limestone monoliths on the Great Ocean Road…
Sitting in a retreat in the Yarra Valley in the outskirts of Melbourne, listening to a professional storyteller tell the tale of Iron John; spending a sleepless night in a sketchy airport motel in Brisbane, as I waited to travel on the next morning to Byron Bay…
Connecting with absolutely beautiful, amazing new Australian friends who checked in with me to make sure my journey was progressing well, took me exploring, and cooked delicious meals for me on some nights; seeing so many birds I’d never seen before, colorful and talkative; walking up to a mob of thirty kangaroos, lounging on a golf course, eyeing me curiously and then deciding I was ok to be there; searching the trees for families of koalas, and having my first encounter with a “small” Australian spider which was bigger than any spider I’d seen in my life…
Touring movie sets built for wizards and hobbits, and seeing the workshops that created the movie magic to bring it to our screens.
Choosing each step along the way spontaneously… moment by moment, only looking one step ahead, and not two. Never quite sure why the calling was to be there, and yet fully embracing the experience… moment by moment.
There were disappointments too, and miscommunications, missed opportunities (or so I thought…), and many moments of second guessing, but ultimately, I knew I was always exactly where I needed to be… doing exactly what I was doing.
It’s an adjustment coming back to any semblance of the life we lived before a great journey, ever changed by the experience, even if it is in ways that are not quite revealed yet. Sleep patterns are changed, and ways of seeing the world have shifted, but ultimately, at your core, you are still you, just… different somehow.So that’s where I find myself now… the same, yet different somehow, and eager to continue my journey wherever it may lead.
One thing I know for certain, is that life is to be experienced. And as much as we think we can put safeguards on and have a sense of security and control, life has a way of unfolding on its own. Pandemics, wars, relationships shifting, jobs ending… anything could show up unexpectedly. But here’s the thing… the unexpected can also show up as something wonderful. So often, we put these arbitrary barriers on ourselves. These limitations, whether given to us by others, or created by the fears we carry ourselves, are not objectively real. They are stories. Stories about what we can and can’t do… what we can and can’t achieve… how we should and shouldn’t live… when did we agree to live so small? When was the last time you questioned those stories?
The world today is shifting beneath our feet. Reality itself, is being interpreted and reinterpreted person to person, and narratives are being challenged. So where does that leave us? You can choose to be afraid by what you see and hear… whether that shows up as apathy, an angry reaction, a paralytic inaction, or by curling up in a corner waiting for it all to make sense… all normal mind reactions to a fear-inducing trigger – fight, flight, hide, or numb. You could remain in that reactionary mode. But what if there’s another way?
Unstorying is that other way.
A way to explore what’s possible, and see who you really are,not just who others claim you to be, and gain clarity, deeper self-awareness, and ability to navigate wild life’s journey.
If you are ready to make some real changes in your life? It’s time!
I’m offering Personal Coaching sessions and packages tailored to your own goals and stories. Together, we will look at the areas of your life that you are ready to change; what’s bursting to be free? Career changes, personal relationships, becoming a more confident, self-aware leader, or any other area you want help in shifting your perspective and your life. Click here to schedule a Discovery Call with Nicole
These sessions may include shadow work, mindfulness, personal myth work, writing, and other techniques to foster your internal work, and creating external changes. Offered as individual sessions and in more affordable packages of 3, 6, and 12 sessions. 20% off all sessions and packages purchased in September!
As always, if you are ready to dive right in to the deep end and break free, then sign up for an UnstoryingⓇ Session Cycle, to explore the shadow stories that are keeping you stuck, and learn a simple, practical process for facing those stories in the moment, as they arise. Unstorying Session Cycles are $750 for the month of September (down from the regular price of $1200).
The September Cohort of the UnstoryingⓇ Certified Practitioner Training starts next week! In this three-month apprenticeship, we’ll cover Jungian psychology topics, such as the psyche and the shadow, explore nonduality and self-awareness practices, mythology, symbolism, and archetypes, and do a deep dive into the process of Unstorying and how to guide others through this life-changing process. This includes a real-time practicum, individual coaching, plus three months of mentoring following certification.
This month’s newsletter comes to you from Australia! Why am I in Australia? Well… your guess is as good as mine! It all started with a calling to “go.”
A simple nudge from the universe that said, “Stop doing what you’ve been doing and turn everything on its head.” Well, there’s nothing like going Down Under to the opposite end of the earth to see things from the opposite perspective. And while we’re on the subject of Down Under, those of you who know a little mythology will recognize an Underworld Journey when they see one.
And so, once the Call came, (and after I had first refused the Call, of course… “I’m going where?” “For an undetermined amount of time?” “And the funds for this will come from where exactly?”), my Underworld Journey to Australia officially began, but let me say, the Threshold Guardians were on their game!From forgotten (and much needed) fleece jackets and a delayed (3 hours on the tarmac), plus two cancelled flights from New York, to fire alarms beeping in the middle of the night (only from 2am-4am, of course) in Los Angeles, to Qantas changing me unexpectedly to ‘standby’ and then changing my seat again as I walked from check-in to the gate, so the biometric scanner no longer recognized me, and confiscating my lovely Yeti coffee tumbler because in all the panic, I had left it half-full with water (incidentally, inside my bag, so my belongings were now all wet), I finally made it safe and sound to Melbourne.
And from there, it’s been an adventure. Because once you’re on the journey, and safely past those Guardians, it doesn’t mean the challenges are done with you! Because that’s when the Road of Trials begin! Woohoo!
But what I will say, is that I’ve been having an amazing time with amazing highs and challenging lows, as you would expect. For those of you who’ve worked with me, that goes into the category of surrendering to the flow of life, and understanding that all we experience is FOR us. For us to understand something deeper about ourselves, for us to see through the stories we’ve carried around within us for so long, and for us to break free of the concept and construct of having a “perfect life,” so that we can uncover what our life really could be. I won’t lie… it’s not easy, and takes constant inner work to keep in balance. The pictures may look amazing but behind them are also personal challenges that work through me the way they work through all of us.
More on my adventure in next month’s newsletter (including about my trip to the heart center, the Red Center of Australia, at Uluru.
So where does that lead us now? Well, it’s never too late, and never the wrong time, to crack open your story. To explore what’s possible and who you really are, and not just who others claim you to be.
Starting this month, I am offering Personal Coaching sessions and packages tailored to your own goals and stories. Together, we will look at the areas of your life that you are ready to change – what’s bursting to be free? Career changes, personal relationships, becoming a more confident, self-aware leader, or any other area you want help in shifting your perspective and your life.
These sessions may include shadow work, mindfulness, personal myth work, writing, and other techniques to foster your internal work, and creating external changes. Offered as individual sessions and in more affordable packages of 3, 6, and 12 sessions. 20% off all sessions and packages purchased in August!
As always, if you are ready to dive right in and break free, then sign up for an UnstoryingⓇ Session Cycle, to explore the shadow stories that are keeping you stuck, and learn a simple, practical process for facing those stories in the moment, as they arise. 15% off all Unstorying Session Cycles purchased to begin in August!
The September Cohort of the UnstoryingⓇ Certified Practitioner Training starts in less than 6 weeks! In this three-month apprenticeship, we’ll cover Jungian psychology topics, such as the psyche and the shadow, explore nonduality and self-awareness practices, mythology, symbolism, and archetypes, and do a deep dive into the process of Unstorying and how to guide others through this life-changing process. This includes a real-time practicum, individual coaching, plus three months of mentoring following certification. Early Bird Pricing ends August 5th.
✨ It offers tools that integrate into the ones you already have, so you can deepen your work with individuals, groups, and organizations, and use the techniques and exercises learned to inform your own calling, as you birth it into the world.
✨ It gives you a clear process and method in which you can create your own business as an UnstoryingⓇ Certified Practitioner and begin seeing your own clients upon completion of the program.
✨ It provides a deep dive into your own Shadow and offers you an opportunity to learn a new way of shifting your reality to access your own wholeness, already there and waiting for you to see it. This training includes 1:1 work with a mentor guide.
✨ It surrounds you with a cohort community of other practitioners, supporting each other’s continued growth and development.
Please reach out for more information on whether this training is right for you!
The next training cohort begins in September… early bird registration rates end this week.
How many stories do you think you hear, tell, or believe in the course of a day?
💭 Many more than you could possibly imagine.
Every time we experience something, we instantly create a story about it. That’s one of the functions of the mind. We are natural storytellers. Yes, even you!
It’s the job of the mind. It’s every one of us. It’s constant. It’s in almost every aspect of our lives.
So… How aware are you of your own story creations? How aware are you of the stories others weave? What if you could see through those stories more clearly?
✨ Would you live your life more authentically? ✨ Would you create a different sort of life for yourself?
There’s nothing to fear in seeing these stories, and fully facing them, only in remaining entranced by them.
⏰ It’s time to stop letting the stories control your life… ⏰ It’s time to see yourself, the stories swirling around you, more clearly… ⏰ It’s way past time.
If everything is a story, then what is the real story of YOU?
✨ Some spaces still available for late July and early August individual Unstorying™ session cycles, as well as the September Unstorying™ Certified Practitioner Training program. ✨
You know those Threshold Guardians on your journey of adventure… those naysayers and obstacles that appear just as you step off into the unknown?
As I’ve started my latest wanderings, they’ve only been increasing in their role to challenge my resolve at each new threshold checkpoint.
The purpose of these gatekeepers is to test your readiness.
Well, consider me tested!
In my most recent Threshold Guardian encounters, going from NY to LA on this leg of my adventure, my first flight was abruptly cancelled and had to try to reschedule to later that night…
Then I was late and running to catch the new flight, only for it to be delayed on the tarmac for three hours… in a thunderstorm.
Then told we had to go back to the gate because we had been out there too long.
Then told it was rescheduled from the 7pm to 4:23am… then back to 10:50pm (but it was already 10:15pm and many people had already deplaned).
Then it was cancelled all together, and we were told to go to claim our bags and reschedule for another flight.
Then… in baggage claim (after walking through the “doors of no return”) there was an announcement that if we could get back to the gate, our plane was taking off, and the doors were closing in a few minutes.
Then, while on live chat with the airline, they told me you can’t “un-cancel” a flight once it’s been cancelled, so the announcement was wrong.
I found my bag and rescheduled for the next day. It was now 11:40pm and thankfully, a friend came and got me from the airport, getting home by 1am.
The next day, I left for the airport again with plenty of time. But realized too late that I left my one warm piece of clothing behind, and I was heading to Australia… where it is still winter.
Then, upon going through security at the airport, I inadvertently left my good water bottle (full of water) in my backpack… (I was still exhausted from the previous day), and so it was understandably confiscated (and my things were wet).
Upon finally boarding this new flight, I sat down in my seat, ready for a 6 hour flight, and found out that the entertainment system to my row, and only my little row of two people, was out and not working.
So I went to plug in my phone to work/read/etc, and found that my electrical outlet was also out… AND I had left my phone charger back at my friend’s house anyway.
But… the flight attendants were wonderful! They charged my phone for me as we flew… and I arrived in LA safe and sound. Whew!
Those were some wild Threshold Guardians… But I kept my cool and laughed at the craziness unfolding. After all… these were fairly gentle tests of my resolve to proceed, while many others are facing catastrophic and heartbreaking Ordeals on their own journeys right now. So I am grateful.
And so… the journey continues!
Have you had wild run-ins with Threshold Guardians as you’ve taken a leap of faith and accepted the Call to your own Adventure?
Please share your threshold stories in the comments below!
Life is calling me again… So far, it has been a serious adventure of trust falls and leaps of faith.
Various careers… Places I call home… Starting a business…
And each time, I wonder… will this be it? Will this be the place I can settle in, create roots, and belong?
And each time, I create community around myself, find my way, create a space that feels like home…
And each time, without fail, life moves me on again before long.
For most people, my life path would look chaotic and unfathomable.
Not to worry! It feels like that to me too!
And yet…
And yet, there is a movement that occurs deep in the center of the heart, a movement that forever calls to be fully present in its own space.
And to feel into it, fully, without fear.
That is the space of unfolding.
It is not about control. It is not about security.
It is about pure creative force. A space of simply being and the potential of becoming.
So once again, I am being called to move and shift.
Instead of sending down roots, it is to continue my wandering.
And to find my peace with the not knowing… for that is truly who we are, if we can slow down enough to see it.
So what does all this mean?
It means that the year ahead is shaping up to be a year of deepening discovery and unfolding.
More on that this week in my posts…
But I will say, that: ✨ It involves that long awaited book to finally arrive. ✨ It involves a new cohort of Unstorying Certified Practitioners being trained. ✨ It involves a year of untethering myself from a concrete “home” and traveling to create conversations, workshops, collaborations, and more.
So far, on the list: New York, New Jersey, Los Angeles, Melbourne, Sydney, Brisbane, Nashville, and…?
Will you answer the call to whatever your path is aching for you to see? It’s waiting for you to rediscover it.
But the source of that divide may not be what you think… it’s fostered by our individual and collective Shadow projected out onto the world.
The parts of us that fear for our own survival, and so they look for who or what appears to threaten our wellbeing and sense of equilibrium.
The parts of us that seek out others who share our anger to give us a comforting outlet for our pain. It feels good to think we are not alone, and that if others think that way, it must be “right.”
But truly question why you believe what you believe…
Was it something someone told you was true about another person or persons, or about the world? They may be acting out unaware of their own Shadow stories.
Is your “problem” solved by pointing a finger towards what looks like an easy explanation for all the ills you suffer, or be made worse if others would live their life the way they do?
By reclaiming our own Shadow, and integrating all parts of ourselves, we no longer feel compelled to find an “other” to cast all our fear, anger, and blame upon. But it’s not easy, and not everyone is willing yet to do that work.
Kinda a raven, kinda a duck, but they are definitely their own unique being.
Flying, swimming, jockeying for the best spots on the rocks, all day long I can see them dive in to fish and then sit on the rocks patiently, drying their wings in the air as they survey the scene in front of them.
Life is so busy now. So many responsibilities and so many projects.
Definitely not complaining, just observant of the varied pace that life takes. Just a month ago, I was in a non-doing space, and now, so much doing!
The truth is… I’m still not really “doing” anything. That is, unless I completely forget my Self.
Life unfolds as it does, and we experience it. Some days are busy and some are quiet, but through it all a through line appears.
A place of unfolding.
A place of the quiet within the busy.
A place of peace within the fears and the chaos and the drama.
Today, I had some things arise that threw into question some of my “big plans.”
I could get upset.
I could stress out.
But instead, I went for a walk and then sat on my patio and watched this cormorant dry his wings.
Listening to the cackling ducks nearby.
Turning our heads at the same time to watch the geese fly overhead and then splash land into the river.
And drying my wings in the cool breeze until the unfolding becomes clearer, and it’s time to “do” again.
Unstorying™ is a transformative narrative-based, Jungian-influenced shadow work process designed to give a very simple, yet powerful way to break through the hold the mind has on your sense of Self, bringing a deeper sense freedom, clarity, and joy.
Learn how to see through the stories that keep you stuck so you can remember who you really are beneath the narratives you think are YOU.
I’ve had some requests recently for practitioner training and certification opportunities for those who want to facilitate this work with their own clients and coachees.
So this October, we will be starting the first training cohorts for this powerful and effective work! With this first cohort of practitioner training, you will now be able to offer a process for these “AHA” experiences for your own clients and coachees! https://mindingthestory.com/unstorying-practitioner-training/
There will be two levels, Unstorying™ Workshop Leader and Unstorying™ Session Practitioner, and both will come with a listing on my website as official Unstorying™-certified practitioners, as well as ongoing training and mentoring opportunities.
If you are interested in finding out more, and/or joining the first training cohorts, please complete the interest form linked below, and I will reach back out to you soon. https://forms.gle/iKzUcjL49d1e5nKi9
As these will be the inaugural training groups, I will be offering these first trainings at a significant discount.
Please share with your friends and communities if you think you may know someone interested in these trainings!
Minding the Story 